Life in Alaska

Here’s one of the better Alaskan-themed forwards I’ve received: 

Jeff Foxworthy on
Alaska  

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in
Alaska.  

If you have ever refused to buy something because it’s “too spendy” you might live in
Alaska.  

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in
Alaska.  

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in
Alaska.  

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don’t work there, you might live in
Alaska.  

If your dad’s suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in
Alaska.  

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in
Alaska.  

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in
Alaska (In Wasilla)  

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in
Alaska.  

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE ALASKANITE WHEN:  

01. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a truck plowing snow on the highway.  

02. “Vacation” means going to
Valdez.  

03. You measure distance in hours.  

04. You know several people who have hit_ a Moose more than once.  

05. You often switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day and back again.  

06. Your whole family wears blue jeans to church on Sunday.  

07. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.  

08. You see people wearing camouflage at social events. (including weddings)  

09. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.  

10. You think of the major food groups as beer and Salmon  

11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them.  

12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill’s Fleet Farm at any given_ time.  

13. You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.  

14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.  

15. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.  

16. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.  

17. You know how to polka.  

18. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.  

19. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.  

20. Down South to you means
Seattle.  

21. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.  

22. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.  

23. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.  

24. You find 0 degrees “a little chilly.”  

25. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Alaska_ friends!

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